i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
