I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
