I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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