Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
