There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
