It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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