i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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