We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
