I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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