Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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