my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
