Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
