Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
