brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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