pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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