I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I need moral support for this bender
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
