I'm pants shitting drunk right now
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
