I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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