You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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