When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
