This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
