That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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