Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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