i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
