I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
