My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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