i just wanna soil my oats bro
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
