So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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