Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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