Only a mothe r could love this liver
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
