Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
