I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
