You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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