She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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