ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
