There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
