Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
