Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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