Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
