his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
