He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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