Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
