this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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