I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
