If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
