My nipple is on Facebook.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
