when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
