I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
