so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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