when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
