I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
