how can u be prego again
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
