I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
