U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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