My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
