I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
