she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
