her vagine was all disorganized.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
