I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
